In this edition of Take Thermometer, we're going to rank potential Jimmy Garoppolo as starting quarterback takes from cool and reasonable to blistering, scorching hot.
Dakota Johnson Hot: Jimmy Garoppolo, what do we have here?
I'm not sure you can argue that the Brady suspension isn't the best thing to happen to Garoppolo, career wise. His only shot at meaningful snaps would occur only one of two ways, both of them horrible: Brady gets injured, Brady retires. With the suspension, no one gets hurt, and we don't lose Tom Brady forever and ever. Garoppolo will be given a four game audition, not just for the Patriots, but for the rest of the QB starved teams in the NFL. If he plays effectively, he can parlay these four games into a starting job, either down the road in New England, or down the road in Cleveland or San Francisco or someplace else. The Patriots will know the true value of the former second round pick, and are certainly anxious to see what he can do when the lights are bright.
Selena Gomez Hot: Quarterback Controversy
What if Jimmy G plays lights out? What if he is the second coming of Aaron Rodgers in September and the Patriots start 4-0? Will it cause friction in the locker room if he's returned to the bench? No. No it won't. He will be returned to the bench no matter what happens while Brady is suspended. If Garoppolo plays well, he and the Patriots will obviously be thrilled. They will be more than happy to hand the keys back to the legend with the four rings. This is Tom Brady's team, always has been, always will be, and any success had while he is gone will not lead to any further controversy. Garoppolo, I'm sure, knows this better than anyone.
Eva Mendes in The Other Guys Hot: We will finally develop a WR
People around New England like to vaguely blame Tom Brady for the inability of the Patriots to develop young wideouts. Because Brady is such a perfectionist, he often shuts out young players after their first mistakes, relying heavily on his veteran counterparts. People may argue that because Garoppolo faces a learning curve along with the younger recievers, they may be able to develop together and form a better rapport than Brady has. There may be some merit to this, but Tom Brady is not the problem. People fail to mention names like Julian Edelman, Rob Gronkowski, and gasp, Aaron Hernandez when discussing young pass catchers who developed under Brady's direction. The Pats don't develop pass catchers because they kind of suck at drafting them.
Margot Robbie in the Wolf of Wall Street Hot: Trade Brady
Genius right? We recoup our first round pick by trading Brady away from a 2017 first rounder. Garopplo plays so well that we decide to end the Brady era early and move on. That's the only reasonable explanation as to why we drafted a QB in the 3rd round, right? Jimmy G needs a backup, too. The youth movement starts now. Thanks for the memories, TB12.
Get all the way,
the fuck,
out of here.
With that.
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